M Y A N X I E T Y.......

Hi, guys. I hope you're doing well. Let's get the elephant out the room, I missed an upload. Yep, I missed an upload. Stupid me missed an upload and I'm sorry. My anxiety was so high recently so much that I had to get to a doctor and get tested. I thought I would tell you the story, so this it is.

So over my school break, every night I would have a panic attack over bad thoughts. I would non-stop cry. It was heartbreaking. It was terrible. One night, I believe it was a Wednesday night- worst panic attack of my life. It lasted for about 30 mins. I was crying. I was puking, I was hyperventilating, I was passing out, I couldn't breathe, I was hysterical. So on Saturday, I was taken to the doctor in order to get my situation sorted. So turns out my hormone levels were way what they weren't meant to be and I have been given anxiety medicine. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the medicine but, it makes me feel defeated that the only way to control my anxiety is to take medicine whilst I can't stop it myself.

So this Wednesday, two days ago, was my birthday. Not only was it my birthday, it was the worst day of my entire life. No one cared about me- seriously. No one wished me a happy birthday, even Bestie, my best friend in the whole entire world. I didn't get any presents. I did not get a cake. No special dinner. I was left to open my cards by myself and to hysterically cry myself to sleep. My mum started crying because to her, I'm ungrateful and spoiled and I ruin anything possible. All because I said I did not want to make a fuss of my day. She told me she didn't want to know me and that I should go and die, don't worry, my "loving" father said that as well. I have never been more upset in my life. I was also told I am grounded and that I now how to work for everything. Like I never work my butt off at school? I get the highest grades and constantly push and push and push myself and put all this pressure on my shoulders just to impress them and make them happy but no, it will never be enough for them. Why on earth would I want to destroy my day on purpose? It was the worst day ever, and I wanted it to be the best day ever. No, I can't have anything nice in my life. Now I have to wait another year.

That is all it from me today. Thank you so much for reading and I'm sorry this was a sad post. What are some things that make you feel better? Make sure to comment them down below or tell me on all social media platforms @itsjustthatgir1. I hope you have an amazing week and thank you so much for following and being apart of this journey. It means the world to me. *All the hugs and squeezes!*

xoxo It's Just That Girl