Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been blogging. School has just been putting my anxiety levels up and I need to relax my mind every now and then. But I want to use blogger to just free my mind, write what I want write and just be myself and so far, I haven't been myself. This post is kinda serious ish but I thought I should let you guys know this so you know part of the reason why I have been so anxious.
Before I start, let me give you a small background story. I have grown up with my best friend. You guys may know her already as 'Bestie'. I grew up with her all my life and there were many other people (most of them I still go to school with), and there were two sisters who were always known as bullies as in proper bullies. The worst type of bullies you can find. People were actually (and some still are) scared of them. Bestie and the sisters were best friends and Bestie if I'm honest, doesn't know better. I love Bestie with all my heart but I'm going to be honest here, she is very fickle and really doesn't know better. And let me just say that Bestie and I were best friends way before the Sisters even came in the picture. So we all grew up, I've always been best friends with Bestie and Bestie has been Best friends with the Sisters. About a few years ago, there was this girl. She was incredibly bullied by the Sisters. She cried herself to sleep every night and yet the Twins felt that they were the victims because they got in trouble for bullying her. This bullying lasted for about 3 years. 3 years later, matters got incredibly worse and now this Girl who cried her self to sleep every night started to become a bully as well and it was a terrible year. This was all at school and her mum became a teacher of the school we all went to. I felt anxious around this Girl (even though I was friendly with the girl a year before because I got bullied by the twins for wearing a bra!) and her mum because I felt like I was being watched. Anyone with anxiety knows that if they feel that people are watching them, you can never get comfortable and it just feels the worst. This Girl (Thats her name now) became a bully as well and I started to become friendly with the Sisters. Bestie, Sisters and I named our selves 'The Four Best Friends'. The four of us were best friends for about a year. Of course, everything went downhill. Last Year, The Sisters were absolutely incredibly rude and mean to Bestie and I was always there for Bestie. They ditched her at the mall one time (So did I but it was for a very serious reason and it was very important and Bestie knows I didn't ditch her, she knew I had to leave anyway), told her she wasn't good enough, told her she only got 'Best Sports Team Player' on her football team (soccer team) because the Sisters's dad was the coach and it wouldn't have been fair and that one of the Sisters actually deserved it and many more rude and off putting things. Bestie then changed to become more of her self because she was always ruled by the Sisters and so I agreed with Bestie that she should be her own person and I started to hate the Sisters as well. Summer then past, I started this blog and this brings us to today. Let me tell you why I have been anxious.
Bestie and I were together 24/7. We were almost like we were joint by the hip and we were the happiest we have ever been. Bestie and I told each other everything, no matter what it was. We would always text and we would always answer straight away. Bestie even took me away with her family for a vacation we were that close. This has obviously gone downhill. Last week, I got a text from one of my other super close friend (I'm going to name her 'Dear Friend') and she told me that the Sisters wanted to get revenge on me for being a 'Best Friend Steeler' for being best friends with Bestie, even after all they did to her. Also that the Sisters were trying to find out my darkest secrets to try and destroy me. I was laughing my head off and making fun of what they were saying about me. They are bad mouthing me and Bestie and they tried to get info of me from Dear Friend. They also told Dear Friend that they are going to steel her from me so that she hates me because she sees less of me. I had an hours talk with Dear Friend and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I immediately texted Bestie about this and she thought it was ridiculous. My whole family did as well. Bestie then told me that she was going to spend more time with the Sisters and not me so that I don't get hurt. I didn't tell Bestie about what the Sisters said because I knew it would make her extremely upset.
Its the next day now and Dear Friend and I texted again because Dear Friend didn't tell me half of what the Sisters said ( let me mention here that the Sisters are using Dear Friend). Apparently, (Dear Friend told me this) I'm being mean to one of the Sisters because I couldn't help her with her homework and in class. Let me just say here that I am not allowed to help her in class because the teacher is so strict that if you move a smidge of even move your lips, you are sent to detention. I don't want a detention. Also, Dear Friend is Spanish and there is another Spanish girl in my year and of course they will talk Spanish. The Sisters keep on saying to Dear Friend, "It is so rude you are speaking Spanish because I don't know if you are talking about me behind my back which you probably are because you are the rudest person in the world" Dear Friend replied, "If you are so anxious about me speaking Spanish, learn the language to find out if I'm talking about you behind your back!". The Sisters also like to make people jealous just so that they feel superior. Then from here I asked a serious question.
You guys don't know this but, I'm big. I'm not the skinniest and I considered my self fat. This is so personal to me and I was so self conscious about my weight because ever since I was younger I would always ask my mum "Why am I so much fatter than everyone else?". Its a medical problem by the way. During the summer I starved my self by doing the HCG diet and only had 500 calories per day and it was hard. Please everyone look up this diet so you will know what challenges I have experiences over the past few weeks. I'm still in school and I cried my self to sleep almost every night last year because I was self conscious so I lost over a stone through the past 3 weeks. I asked Dear Friend this question "Did they say anything about my weight?" And of course they did. They said "*insert my name here* is so fat. She is like a potato and she is never going to look gorgeous because of how fat she is. It would be funny if she ever gets married and has kids. Oh wait, she is too fat to have kids!" Honestly guys, I was never that fat, they were just sticks and I was a few pounds bigger than them and now that I lost over a stone, I am not fat. This is when I knew, I can never trust the Sisters. I told Bestie this and she found it ridiculous as well. The Sisters are also obsessed with trying to get the boys in my year to like them when really they looked pathetic.
I told my best friends all of this and my family and they all found it disgusting and my really good friend's brother told one of the Sisters that I hate them because of what they did to me. And the Sisters got mad of course. That was last Friday. The Saturday afterwards (two days ago), my whole year met to support a girl in my class with something and when I arrived, the Sisters and Bestie were sitting with each other and they rolled their eyes at me in the rudest way possible. I stayed for what I needed to be for and then I left soon afterwards because I had do get to a doctors appointment straight away. Dear Friend told me that they all had an open discussion about the drama in my year (which is ALOT!!) and Bestie turned around and said that she hates me and that I'm the most annoying and stupid thing that ever walked on this planet. When I heard this, I was heart broken. I cried my self to sleep last night and I spent the whole of yesterday (Sunday) being sad and just being very depressed. I just had one of those days were your anxiety is high and you tell your self that you will never be good enough. I tried texting Bestie about a new Sushi restaurant (because we both are obsessed with sushi) that is meant to be amazing and if she wants to try it out one day and normally she would answer straight away and she just ignored me. I was shocked. Then the Sisters posted pictures on Instagram of Them and Bestie hanging out and I was actually meant to be hanging out with Bestie. I cried my self to sleep.
This brings me to today. This morning (Bestie and I normally get the train to school together) I messaged Bestie that I'm on the train and she ignored me and said "I'm in a car. See you at school" which I was shocked about because we loved taking the train. Then in registration in our form rooms, I sat next to Bestie and tried to talk to her like I normally would and she just ignored me completely. Through out the day it was the same and the Sisters were getting worse by the second. Today at school I had to stay back for a while and Bestie normally stays with me and today she just left, with the Sisters and again, I was heart broken. I just didn't know what to do. Through out this past week I just killed my self trying to stay positive and when I got home from school today, I just broke down crying non stop for 2 hours straight. I just don't know what to do.
Thank you guys so much for reading this. I really need your help and support. Please help me because I was actually (and still am) crying, writing this blog post for you all. Please help me because it will help me a lot and I promise to try and upload more blogs regularly. Please comment because I need help to get through this. See you guys soon.
xoxo It's Just That Girl
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